Story #52: "From fundy to freethinker"

(Via Kathleen)

I grew up in the northeastern U.S. and my parents converted to a fundamentalist sect of Christianity when I was about five. Heavily indoctrinated from an early age, I thought I too was saved and heaven bound. I was so intense as a young child that I proudly became the youngest child to be Baptized in my church, at the age of 7. It wasn't easy to convince the pastor that I understood the Christian teachings and wanted to demonstrate my public admission of faith by Baptism.

As I grew into a teen, I remained faithful but not as involved with my beliefs. Still, at the insistence of my parents, I spent my Sundays in church from early morning to late evening. It became quite a burden to a teen that had discovered more interesting things in the secular world. Despite this, I maintained my strong beliefs throughout my teen years.

When it was time to think about college, I was given the choice of attending one of several conservative Christian colleges. I don't remember why I chose Gordon College in Wenham, Ma. but it was during those early days in school that I suddenly realized my childhood religion was not only disturbing but quite a fantastic stretch of reality. Oddly enough being indoctrinated constantly helped me see how incredible the Christian claims were when compared to the lack of evidence. I left college after a brief illness during the second semester an ultra liberal Christian with agnostic leanings. The truth is after losing my faith, I could barely stand being in an atmosphere that stifled freethought.

During the next decade, I returned to school, survived a nine year unhappy marriage, gave birth to my only son and eventually became a professional registered nurse. I continued to seek and investigate religion with the attitude that my search would lead me to the truth. I was an agnostic with theistic leanings during this time. One day when I was about 28, I had what can only be described as a moment of enlightenment. I suddenly realized that my search for God had been in vain as there is nothing supernatural about the universe. I felt both relief and peace. That was thirty years ago and I continue to live a happy god free life.

I've always been very open and usually pleasant about my atheism at work and among theistic friends. I have no desire to convert or debate as I believe it's best to allow and encourage people to investigate truth for themselves, while answering questions honestly. I am currently enjoying 28 years of a happy marriage to a fellow atheist and am involved in several organized atheist groups. These groups have helped me feel far less isolated living in the heart of southern U.S. In fact, I often forget that I live in a place heavily populated by the same type of people that I knew at my childhood church.

I don't regret my childhood experiences. They have only made me stronger and more perhaps more tolerant towards those that still believe. I've tried the aggressive atheist persona but it's not who I am. I'm much happier and effective as the tolerant atheist who tries to be an example of how morally positive and satisfying life can be without religion.